Removing the head or destroying the brain

Barack Obama to send 34,000 more troops to Afghanistan

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 18:03:56 -0500

Barack Obama to send 34,000 more troops to Afghanistan:

Very disappointed. Change we can believe in?

If I know anything, it’s that this needs to be stopped.

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:24:24 -0500

If I know anything, it’s that this needs to be stopped.

I just want a video game where you play John McCain and have to catch a variety of color coded pills from one of those boxes divided into seven days.

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 13:50:09 -0500

Is that so much to ask?

HOLY CRAP. TOMORROW IS NATIONAL HUG A JEW DAY AND I ALMOST FORGOT.

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 22:30:20 -0500

SAW 7

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 21:08:00 -0500

INT. - BEDROOM - NIGHT

JAMES awakens inside a dirty, unkempt, bedroom. It’s damp and he can see his own breath. Coming to, he realizes he’s been chained to the bed (which has been bolted to the ground). He frantically pulls on the chain.

JAMES

What is this? What’s going on?

Suddenly, the television in the corner of the room comes on. On the screen is a small puppet kind of painted like that dog from “Our Gang.” What was that dog’s name, anyway? Does anyone remember? Petey? I think it was Petey. I digress.

PUPPET

Hello James.

JAMES

Who are you?

PUPPET

You have lived your entire life selling hot dogs. Hot dogs you claimed were genuine Vienna beef…but in fact, were not.

JAMES

What? How do you kn-

PUPPET

Silence. You’ve hurt people, James. Hurt them with your unsatisfactory cuts of meat. Have you ever had to spend more than an hour on a toilet? You get rashes, James. Rashes.

JAMES

What do you want from me?

PUPPET

I’m glad you asked. I want to play a game. On the dresser in front of you is a boom box. Inside, a copy of Bob Dylan’s “Christmas in the Heart.” I f you don’t press play in the next 30 seconds, the room will be filled with a poisonous gas. Or something. I’m pretty sure a poisonous gas.

JAMES slowly reaches out, hands trembling, and presses “play.” Soon the room is filled with a screeching rendition of “Must be Santa.”

JAMES

Oh. Oh god.

PUPPET

Yes, James. YES.

JAMES

Make it stop. Please.

PUPPET

On the floor in the corner of the room is a sizable rock. More than adequate for suicide purposes.

JAMES’ eyes bulge as he spies the rock and scrambles towards it on all fours. Arms outstretched, he’s almost reached it when something pulls him back. The chain. It won’t reach. JAMES reaches his hands towards the sky, kind of like a referee. Actually, now that I think about it, somewhat more dramatic like a referee. Because he’s sad. Okay.

JAMES

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

FADE TO BLACK

I am prejudiced

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:34:00 -0500

donchiefnerd:

I refuse to watch any movie or television program, read about or entertain any conversation containing any reference to one particular demographic.

Vampires.

I cannot stand them.

There I said it.

I feel much better.

Watch “Let the Right One In”, a fantastic Swedish picture (I believe the best of any movie) from last year, and get back to me. The book is phenomenal as well.

Rejecter will back me up on this. Because if she doesn’t I’ll feel invalidated.

(via tea-for-one) This is kind of depressing. It just reminds me...

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:38:07 -0500

(via tea-for-one)

This is kind of depressing. It just reminds me of what could have been. I’m pretty sure the second season of this show will go down in history as a textbook on how to kill a great thing. Just…awful. I don’t even think I finished all the episodes because it pained me so.

smartasshat: Happy National Pizza With The Works Except...

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:52:52 -0500

smartasshat:

Happy National Pizza With The Works Except Anchovies Day!

I like anchovies. Unfortunately for anchovy people, most of the major national chains seem to have stopped carrying them. What I’m saying here is: donate money for me to buy my own anchovies and place them on pizzas. Thanks.

So then

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:33:59 -0500

Paul was all “Why don’t we do it in the road?”

And she was all “Because I don’t like being hit by cars. I thought you were supposed to be the bright one.”

Meanwhile, Ringo was reading Nietzsche and getting his monocle resized.

FIN.

Shitty. Shipping is $30 to Canada. Why can't we have any fun???

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:49:25 -0500

(via myrm)

I think it has to do with covering costs of cleaning moose poop from the trucks afterwards.

GPOYW: In which I own an old man cap.

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:02:21 -0500

GPOYW: In which I own an old man cap.

Suspected US serial killer blamed stench on sausage factory

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:02:04 -0500

CHICAGO (AFP) – A woman who lived for years with an alleged serial killer said she never suspected the putrid smell at their Cleveland, Ohiohome came from decomposing bodies, after being told the stench came from a sausage factory.

Police have unearthed the remains of 11 women in and around the house where Lori Frazier lived with Anthony Sowell, who was indicted Monday in the case that led to the discoveries of the bodies.

“I just wondered why, why would he do this,” Frazier told WOIO television news. “He took care of me, good care of me, and I never thought no bodies were in the house.”

I have to say, I’m pretty sure this woman is either A) a liar or B) really stupid.

Wouldn’t you wonder why it didn’t smell outside the house? Why would there be rotting animals at a sausage factory anyway? If anything, the meat has to be processed as fast as possible. All sausage factories are now standardized and sanitary. And why wouldn’t you complain to someone?

I’m going with liar.

Have you ever stepped outside some place and felt a great deal of uneasiness? Almost as if...

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:57:34 -0500

Have you ever stepped outside some place and felt a great deal of uneasiness?

Almost as if there’s something watching you?

And when you turn around - sure enough - the creepy loiterers.

Now, I can understand if you’re smoking a cigarette. But when you reach a point where you say “Hey, it’s a Tuesday night. I’m gonna go hang out in the shadowy corner of a building and leer at everyone who exits” you have a problem (and probably a large, bloody, knife laying around the house).

Because creepy loitering is by far the worst type. I MUCH prefer loitering where I can see you; even if you happen to be creepy. Creepy people can be normal loiterers. And normal people can be creepy loiterers. That’s probably the worst part.

Sleep well.

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:25:22 -0500

Sleep well.

Things to do today

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 10:52:00 -0500

Interview with editor of Rue Morgue magazine
Class
Begin bacon ponzi scheme
Coffee bath
Get headache
Chug aspirin
Throw things at people from balconies
Practice “Doll on a music box/ Truly Scrumptious” duet from “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang”
Love Kittens

Better get cracking

I've just gotten off the phone with Verizon

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 23:15:07 -0500

and a new Blackberry Storm 2 is on its way to replace my regular Blackberry Storm. It’s a vast improvement over the older model (which was rushed out, causing shares of RIMM to plummet at the time).

I’m a little surprised, given how botched the original device was, that Verizon offered no upgrade discount for owners of the first model. I still like that phone. I didn’t have nearly as many problems as other people had. Also, as this post began to unfold I slowly lost track of what my point was.

To remedy this, I’m going to leave you with the following:

White people shouldn’t dance. And if they do they should never be photographed doing so. You’re welcome.

BAM.

Queen Tori Amos does Britney Spears; kicks ass.

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:24:00 -0500

Queen Tori Amos does Britney Spears; kicks ass.

"When I got hoarse, the manager would say, ‘Drink this. Joplin used to drink this,’ and I..."

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 01:42:08 -0500

“When I got hoarse, the manager would say, ‘Drink this. Joplin used to drink this,’ and I used to say, ‘Joplin? Joplin’s dead.”

- Cyndi Lauper

Wait. You people are still here?

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 00:36:08 -0500

FUUUCCKKKKKKKKK

This is Fergie. Also, I told you so.

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 23:20:52 -0400

This is Fergie. Also, I told you so.